trying to find the peace
and wise way of this experience
the way that doesn't create more suffering, blindly
the way that opens and allows for
holds reality and experience within a spaciousness
of possibility
"freedom" in the midst of our closings
breathing through the moments
that close up and tighten
yet feeling what is
acceptance
accepting my non-acceptance
and surrendering to the moment
opening more
i sing a song or hum under my breath
to release...
i remember the light of the full moon
and how it changes in the days that follow
this is not about 'impermanence'
or non-attachment
i am not writing to sound like i know
because i don't
i am here checking in with myself
to know the humanity that is inside of me
to remind myself this is part of my lived experience
nothing greater, nothing less
feeling a part of LIFE
changing and "twisting"
adjusting
teaching
me
opening
and accepting each moment
with the best of what i know
and resting in the stillness
of the discomfort
and feeling its shape
and for a brief moment
i can catch a glimpse of the goodness
that fills that space
but is it still there?
in my mind, the story that wants to tell itself
is one of loss and longing
of things fading away
things going away
that's the story that wants to repeat itself
in order to justify another story
...and on and on and on...
and who knows?
maybe that is really what is going on?
i question it
distrusting how easily it comes to mind
and how strongly it asserts itself
wanting to be right
wanting to be "true"
training the heart, trusting the heart and resting in the "unconditioned"
(ajahn chah)
i have that much to learn and that much to come to know about my heart that has grown use to feeling its got to be right, just because it hurts. indeed, my "suffering" is the cause of my liberation...and our path to our wakefulness will arise from the muddy waters and trenches of our deepest hurts. but not like this, i tell myself. not from "wanting to fix" this open wound that comes from a heart's opening to another. not from wanting to close up what feels weak and raw, to barricade it and protect it. no, no, not like that and not for the sake of closing to feel safe. there is another story possible, one that feels even shakier to hold within, one which embodies the wisdom of a heartful path...
what is this way?
clarity. courage. strength.
the clues left behind to come to know this way...
does it mean you get hurt?
yes, i think
yes it does
accepting the pain
to honor the beauty that is changing
inside...
touching the beauty
opening to beauty
releasing the beauty
returning to its source
Releasing Her, Beauty
As she returns to her Source
.
.
.
breathing in this moment
bowing to this moment
may i remember inside
feel this knowing inside
this opportunity to have
seen the Truth of Me
through the Beauty
the Beauty
the Beauty
of You
.
.
.
heartfulness
joyfulness for this chance to be alive
